I lived in Lowell for eight years, grew up there. Those streets played a big part in making me who I am, formulating the person I am becoming. It's funny because I hardly remember them. That is to say, I remember walking past kids fighting on the street on my way to school, I remember the dirt and the crowded streets, I remember the Catholic school I attended for a while and the nuns that ran it. but I remember very little of the good. Kerouac Park, Expresso's pizza, all the time I spent with my family and friends in the city.
One good thing does stand out in my mind, and one person. I grew up in the Catholic church, and while I never claimed the faith as my own, and my dad did not know Christ at the time, my mom had always been Catholic. We attended a church on Bridge street called The Church of Saint Michael. My mom told me that the reason we had made it our home was because the first time I heard the Reverend speak, I told her I wanted to go there. I didn't really know why, I just did.
The Reverend's name was Father Albert Capone. And while the irony of his name (although he purposely pronounces it differently) did not escape me, there was something about him that drew me to him. He was compassionate, wise, and confident with great faith, and just by hearing the sound of his voice you could tell that he was a man of God. It's hard to explain the feeling you had when you were around him, but he just wasn't like other priests.
One particular thing I remember about him was that he wasn't afraid of my questions. My CCD teacher used to tell me that I asked far too many, the Father later told me it was just because she didn't understand herself. Father Capone would answer my questions, every last one of them. I thought it was the greatest thing ever at the time, because Priests had always told me the same thing: "You don't question God!"
Recently my family and I started visiting Lowell again. My mom decided to make a go of being a pen and ink artist (and she's doing an excellent job of it I might add), and so she joined the Arts League of Lowell. This of course means that her work is in several galleries in the area, so we travel back and forth quite a bit. It's funny, because I hadn't thought about St. Michael's or Father Capone for years, but the other day he just popped into my head, and I felt a prodding to go see him.
Today, before my mom's artist reception, I went over to the rectory to visit. He welcomed me in with a big smile and listened with growing excitment as I told him about my life in nashua, my finding Christ, and my pursuit of ministry.
After we had exchanged stories he began talking to me about a variety of things. While he was of course, mildly disappointed that I had not come to faith within the Catholic church, and my visit wasn't to tell him I was joining the priesthood, he rejoiced that I was now looking to serve God in ministry. He then gave me some advice that I had not gotten anywhere else. The first thing he told me was to balance my life. He stressed it as very important, reminding me that I was still young, and that Jesus did not start his ministry until he was 33 for a reason. That time between is a learning process, and Jesus later used ordinary everyday things to explain his message. He explained to me that Christ needs to be the center, but there's no reason you can't still do things you enjoy. In fact, with Christ as your center your enjoyment of these things should be magnified in him.
We then got into a discussion about the Bible, and he told me that there was a difference between reading the bible, and praying the bible. The Bible is God's word, and we can't get so caught up in theological nuisances that we fail to hear God's voice. At the same time, it's important to immerse ourselves in scripture, in the historical context of the writing, taking in every word so that we understand it as best we can with the guidance of the spirit. The better we know His word, the better we know His voice. The more we know His voice, the easier it is to hear Him speak, and to recognize the things that are not of Him.
I'd heard something along these lines before but this struck me anew. Those of you who know me well know about my sudden "discovery" of the scriptures and how intensely I have been studying them of late. I had to sit for a moment and think, I'm not just studying facts, I'm learning the sound of God's voice... am I leaving room among all of the theology for God to whisper to my heart? I'd encourage any reader to ask the same question.
Our discussion pressed on, and soon we talked about the way that we lived life. There is no subject I am more passionate about than living for the Glory of God, in finding my deepest joy in him and letting that overflow as love in every aspect of my life. Once again, I found myself challenged by a man much older and wiser. He told me that it was a temptation to Preach what we think we should be preaching instead of what we are living. That didn't make sense to me for a minute, but then he explained further. If a Preacher is preaching what the bible teaches, and what all people should be doing, but is not doing it, his words are empty and hollow. And he is hypocritical. His life speaks much louder than his words ever could.
I find my deepest joy in Christ... most of the time. But sometimes other things usurp His place and become an idolater. Sometimes ever when my deepest joy is in Christ I find myself living in a way that is contrary to what I know I should be doing. In other words, I think my deepest joy is in Christ, but life is speaking volumes to disprove that. When your deepest Joy is in Christ love, kindness, selflessness, and a desire to share that joy is the natural result. I cannot share the concept of surpassing joy with you if my life doesn't reflect that at least 90% of the time. Or rather, I could, but you wouldn't believe me.
Finally we discussed something I saw as a flaw in my own character: my tenacity when it comes to things like theology, and my challenging argumentative spirit... what I call being an overzealous Evangelical. He told me that in the Catholic Church, the Apostle Paul is always pictured as carrying a sword. He asked me if I knew why. I told him I assumed it was because he had persecuted Christians. Father Capone told me that that was partially the reason. Paul was a man of extremes, as he saw that I was from my testimony and who I was now. When he persecuted christians, he went all out. And when he preached the Gospel, he went all out. He was an overzealous Evangelical. And it was because of this he was imprisoned, and from this imprisonment he learned a new way to go about things without loosing his passion. The Spirit showed him how to use that extreme passion to spread the Message without smashing people over the head with it. Likewise, my tenacity and challenging spirit was a gift, and was part of how God created me for a reason. My job was to learn how to best use that in a way that glorified God the most, without jumping on people and biting off their heads.
Before I left he told me one last thing. I didn't find God, he had been with me all along, all I did was notice that he was there.
It was true nine years ago and it was true today, no one understands me and how I work better than Father Capone does, and I just wanted to share some his wisdom with you all. I think it applies to more than just ministry, I think it applies to every aspect of life. And to any non-believers out there, God's been with you through everything. Just turn around and see Him waiting for you, it will be the best decision you'll ever make.
