Monday, April 9, 2012

A Theological Reflection on Manhood and Marriage from an Unmarried Christian Guy

      Let me preface this by saying that I do not yet consider myself a man, but I want to be one. Nor am I a husband or father, but I hope to be some day. What I do know is this: I've only got one chance to do this right, and I want to start preparing right now, because the ideas and attitudes we cultivate while we are single will carry over into our marriages. With that said, take as you will the thoughts and passions that have emerged from my quest for manhood as I strive to figure out what that looks like and what God says about it.
     To be a man is at its core to repent, take up our cross and follow Jesus. After all, Jesus was the perfect man. The problem is that our society has confused us so much in terms of what it means to be a man. It doesn't help that the media tends to portray men as bumbling fools, drunks, or hopelessly violent womanizers. As a result, we have a world--and a church--full of adolescents who are too scared or too selfish to grow up. I don't want to be that guy, I've seen too many families torn apart and sisters in Christ hurt by manhood gone wrong. Fortunately, in a world that is so confused, scripture paints a relatively clear picture of what manhood is meant to be. Unfortunately our culture tells us this is outdated and irrelevant. However, what our culture considers to be relevant and ideal clearly isn't working, so lets take a look at the "outdated and irrelevant" word of a holy and sovereign God, and perhaps we shall see how it is just as relevant and perhaps more urgent now than ever.
     "Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies" (Ephesians 5:22-28). 
    The language used in this passage is covenant language, similar to what we read throughout the Hebrew Scriptures as well as the New Testament, particularly in Pauline literature. 1 Corinthians Chapter 15 gives us a glimpse of this. Paul writes, “As in Adam all die, so also in Christ all will be made alive” (1 Corinthians 15:22).
     Adam was the head of the first covenant between God and mankind, as the representative thereof, he sinned and broke the covenant with God. As such, all of humanity must now pay the penalty of sin. Humanity is now subject to death, the natural result of their disobedience (Genesis 2:17). This is both physical—physical death was not part of the original creation—and spiritual. In Ephesians Chapter 2 Paul writes, “And you were dead in your trespasses and sins, in which you formerly walked according to the course of this world, according to the prince of the power of the air, of the spirit that is now working in the sons of disobedience. Among them we too all formerly lived in the lusts of our flesh, indulging the desires of the flesh and of the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, even as the rest” (Ephesians 2:1-4).
     Similarly, Christ is the head of the New Covenant, as the representative of all humanity he lived in perfect obedience to the Father, the life we could not live, dead as we were in our sins. And he died the perfect sacrifice, being fully human and thus paying our penalty and being fully God and thus fulfilling the necessity of perfect righteousness, in doing so redeeming all creation back to himself. As Paul continues in Ephesians 2:5, “But God, being rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us, even when we were dead in our transgressions, made us alive together with Christ (by grace you have been saved).”
     Just as Christ was held responsible for the sin of humanity as covenant head, so the man is held responsible for the well-being and spiritual health of his family. This means he is responsible for providing for the physical, emotional and spiritual needs of his wife and children. It also means that when he stands before God on the day of judgement he will be held accountable not only for his own deeds but for the holistic well-being of his family. If his children went wild and he failed to give them godly counsel and do all he could to restore them to Christ, he will be held responsible for their apostasy. If his wife is dying spiritually, not growing in community and in grace, he will be held responsible for not doing all he can to lead her into a closer walk with God.
     Men, we are given a high calling and great responsibility. If we are not ready for this, who are we to even look at a woman as a potential relationship? If we are married or in a relationship, we must ask ourselves how well we are fulfilling this calling. These are god's daughters, sacred and beloved. Not only is their Father absolutely holy, all-powerful and sovereign, but he is all knowing. Every thought, every action, every intention of our hearts is an open book to him. We would do well to be afraid! This is not something we can take lightly. 

3 comments:

  1. Thank you..for striving to understand and live out manhood gone right. From reading this I can tell you are far ahead of a lot of others. Praying God blesses you for your kindness. Thank you for sharing your wisdom.

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    1. Thanks for your kind words and encouragement sister, and your prayers are most certainly appreciated. Praying God's blessings on you as well as you pursue your passions and seek his will and his glory.

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  2. You write and express yourself well Connor, I always enjoy hearing what you have to share! And although you believe you still have some learning and growth to do I gotta say you always seemed careful and thoughtful in your actions and very mature for your age, you are definitely a great role model even for a lot of guys well into their 20s or older ! Keep up the awesomeness my friend, I believe you will do amazing with whatever you do, you have great presence and passion, I know you will always be doing great things for God!
    -Anne :)

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